My Pathetic School Life

Hi this is an account of my life at school. If you reach the bottom of the blog before getting bored, please post a comment.


L.K.G to 2nd standard:


I was in “Vaani Vidhyalaya matriculation”. I don’t remember much, except some faint memories of Raji miss teaching me, Sitting outside the class and listening due to my frequent vomiting sensation. My parents used to say it was “Vaandhi” Vidhyalaya for me. (Vaandhi is the Tamil word for Vomit!). Other than this, I could not remember much from those years.


3rd standard:


I switched to “Modern Senior Secondary School”- a CBSE School. I was a child, going to school everyday with a sober face. Tears would dwell in my eyes as the starting bell rings and my mom says goodbye. Some instinct in me always scared me that she won’t come back for me in the evening after school gets over My sister also studied in the school, she was three years elder than me. Somehow the teachers are so interested in a sibling of an already existing student. I was branded as Raaga’s (Name changed) brother, over my original Identity as C.V.Varun. She was exceptionally good at Academics.


In my 3rd standard, my mom used to sit with me after school hours to teach spoon feed me on my academics, made me mug up things write a home test. All together, it was a big effort from her side. All that effort paid off. I was quite good at academics. I was ranked consistently amongst the top 5. Still can’t forget the days, when I would think my mom forgot me and start crying if mom came even two minutes late from the final bell.


4th standard to 7th standard:


Started going to school in Cycle at 6th. No more fear of mom forgetting me stuff. My mom was still with me helping me with my academics. Her patience was heavily tested. Still she was successful, and so was I. My marks were still good, and I was amongst the Top 7 consistently. I found that English was the subject that interested me the most. I developed a great passion towards it. English teachers started to like me. I had a decent amount of friends. (Though my parents said some of them were Indecent).


Sister scored amazing marks in here 10th board exam and came out as school first. Heads of teachers turned to me in expectation. My inner mind screamed “Nooo…!!!”

Found out I was no good at sports. My poor stamina and my body was not fit for sports. I was very happy to win with a first prize at English oratorical competition. This was my first winning in anything.


8th standard:


Syllabus started getting tougher, Mom was troubled enough, my less interfering dad interfered and said that it is High time I stood on my own legs. She asked my mom to stop helping me in my academics. My mom was against his view point saying I was not mature enough. But she lost her argument. From 8th, I was on my own in academics. My marks started to go down every exam and it hovered around 80%. My ranks were no longer mentionable and flickered between single and double digits. Won some second prize in English Oratorical.


Mom was a bit cross with dad, now that what she feared happened. English was still my favorite subject. I loved it dearly. And scored good in it. Teachers were really shocked with “Raaga’s brother’s poor performance”. Every parent teachers meeting was a disaster to my mom- only she comes to school. My father never comes; He didn’t show up even when Sis got her ‘school first’ prize. I found it irritating. That is a big achievement that every parent would be proud of. My parents are made of some different stuff. They try not to appreciate us for any reason; they only emphasize the negative side of us. While every parent goes around with their faces proud about their children, my parents even if asked would tell only of our negatives.


My friends group changed (The same group I am in contact with till today). I got on with people I really liked. They were so close to me, though I wasn’t even half as close to them. My friends used to have a chat after school at the road side. But my mother banned me from spending time with them. When I asked for the reason, I got one of the most stupid reasons I ever heard, “Only porukkis (Tamil version for Rogues) stand in roadside and talk”. As usual, it was hopeless to argue with my parents, they are very stubborn in what they say. That was probably one of the very few decisions that my parents made that affected my life negatively to a BIG extent.


My friends kept me a little away from our circle for the reason that I don’t spend time with them. Somehow, their parents didn’t think spending time with friends is a rogue’s character! Probably, one of the reasons being- My mother did not have any friends in her school days, she didn’t know what friendship meant.


Even today I am not as close to my friends as they are to me. It pains very much in the heart every time I realize it. Sometimes, even tears dwelled in the eyes as I thought of it. Had to control it telling that “You are mature” to my inner self. It slipped out sometimes even with all that efforts. I think there is nothing worse than someone who is close to your heart ignoring you.



9th standard:


Syllabus got even tougher. Science was a big book. I started to struggle big time in academics. My marks flickered between 65-75%. Parents started to get tense, especially mom. Rank never entered a single digit. Respect from teachers reduced. No change to my favorite subject. I still scored my best in English.

I found no talent in me. None whatsoever, an Inferiority complex started to build in me. Found that I was unable to converse with people as confidently as before, and a sudden stage fear got me in my throat and I was no more fit for oratorical competition.

Friends circle remained the same. I was moved away from the circle even more. The Reason? Friends started to meet up in each other’s houses and played and spent fun time. When spending time with friends on roadside is rogue, you can imagine what my parents would have said about going to friends’ houses. “What? Want to go to friends’ houses? Crazy, you must not linger around other people’s houses, it is not a good culture!” Conversation ended.



10th Standard:


Now, this is the year that perhaps changed my entire would-be career. Generally, people at my house asks these questions for any situations- namely, 'Why? What? How? When?' After I come home after writing exam, i would be asked the periodic question of “ How much will you get?” Though I would know almost 5-10% marks plus or minus where I would score, I would lie the marks as a usual 75-80%. Parents would not trouble me if I say so.


The first mid-term of the year got over. I got “FAILED” in physics, this was the first fail mark by anyone in my entire family history! All of them, including me, was so shocked, I knew I might score a just pass. But never guessed I would fail.


At home 1 week went sober all of our faces were dull, many in my class failed, but that was not a consoling reason to anybody. Soon, people at my home became a bit supportive, they asked me to do well next time. I nodded. But all the same, my computer gaming hours (My main source of Hobby) was cut down to a lesser time.


I asked for a tuition, they did enroll me in one! But was that a tuition, HELL NO! It was a home that was open to everyone who didn't have a place to read, it so fell out that there were so many of that sort, that it was more of a chat area than a study area. There was no teacher there, the ma'am who was present there was the one who taught me at U.K.G!. The students who came there ranged from pre.K.G to 12th. She taught only for those in pre.K.G. To first standard. I was frustrated, no use of telling parents that it was of no use. They would only blame me. That teacher knew nothing to teach me. Time passed at that tuition without any useful fruit.


All in my friends group passed. They did group studying, helping each other on the things they understood. Parents at my home said, “Group studies? No way, what a dumb thing to do for you? Go sit and read yourself!”. Sister was very much shocked on my failure in mid-term. She was then studying at of the very reputed Engineering Colleges in south India, She was on her own legs, she stayed in hostel and had a gala time. After all, she earned it.


Time passed, things got worser and worser, every term, I started to fail, In 'Physics, Chemistry and Maths'. People at my home started to treat me like a vermin. Nothing wrong in doing that. On my side, they said laziness is the primary reason. Cut down all recreational activities and I would shine. I would nod to that after the result comes, but the addiction of computer games took me after a week passed. The marks didn't affect me very much, except for the fact that I would have to tell it at home. Some times I took a week after the paper was given to my hands to show it to home, building up courage in the mean time.


Time passed, they got frustrated with me. They heard a word from my close cousin that I felt that my tuition was not effective to me. My Mom said “You could have told that to me” The tuition continued all the same! Eventually found out her tuition benefited none. All of the failures there still failed.

My results were associated with my so called Laziness, Lazy I am, I agree. But not in studies. Have you heard of the disorder dyslexia (yes, the same thing the child in Taare Zameen Par experiences)? What I was experiencing was similar to that. The physics derivations, the chemical formulas, the mathematical equations all swam before my eyes. I bought big guides, that didn't help me with anything. My father used to say, I buy it as if it is a must do ceremony once the book comes to market and there is no more value to it. But all the same, nothing entered my mind. It was all confused. The only subject I was able to study well was English, fine, a decent amount of tamil too.


My friends were with me, of course again more farther, what with me failing too! But they were supportive, they used to offer me help. Soon, the year end exam came, the much dreaded “10th standard board exam”. It happens in another school nearby as per CBSE regulations. We all used to sit tense. People scare us saying that this was the exam that would decide my future. It got over and I was quite sure I would pass. And pass, I did, Much to the surprise of my parents, actually. Of Course, the same bullshit 75-80% estimation was what I gave them, but they had understood me by then.



11th standard:


I had to choose between, Computer Science, Biology and economics department. Sister suggested an alternative for me. She said, In CBSE, they offered a choice of having Tamil instead of Computer Science or Biology. I took that to reduce my burden of another subject. But I was seated in the Biology section, though I didn’t have that subject.


But Alas, The same that occurred in 10th repeated, all over again. Every term, I failed in Maths, Physics and Chemistry. I joined different tuitions for Maths and Chemistry. Unfortunately for me, Another new physics staff was added to the class. She was incapable of teaching. Even the brilliant ones suffered with her around. The failures in physics fell in heaps. Almost half the class if not more started to fail in physics. It was a shock to the school. Though they very clearly knew the reason, they were reluctant to take any actions.


I was allowed to spend a little more time with my friends. But I had to bear the 'When will you come back question and the big scolds for coming 5 minutes late'. Though, In class, I was like, Whats this guy? Acts like a nerd but is a failure in academics. Totally useless fellow.


Time went by, the annuals came, I was struck with with Appendicitis. I had to be admitted in the hospital, I had to skip 11th practicals. My mom spoke with school principal about it and it was told that the school would take care. I chuckled to myself, 'I wouldn't have passed had I gone to the practicals'. The final main exams got over comfortably in mathematics and chemistry, thanks to the decently successful tuition. But I was not sure of physics. That would be just passed or a fail.


I visited Sri Harikota, the rocket building and launching center along with my friends who invited me. I had fun time. When I came back, I saw my mothers face dull. Oops! That was not a good sign. I saw her returning from opposite house, where a class mate of mine studied. I guessed it. She asked me to relax for some time, as I had just returned. After that, the much feared came out. I failed in the Physics final. Whrrrrrrrrr.......... MY head spun, people said, once you fail in school, thats the end of your life. I didn't know what to do. But, My school was one proud school with good records. This time, they couldn't afford to fail people and lose their 100% pass results. What with about 25 students failing in physics? Even the average ones were taken down. Thanks to the new teacher. School conducted a secret re-exam. We all attended it. I tried to put in my best effort, but again, it was all fuzzy to me. Nothing entered my mind. I failed in re-exam too; it was a big blow to me and my family. I was thinking about going to tutorials to study something to lead on my life with. But then there were 8 others like me. School did a re-re-exam. They asked us to study well, the re-exam question paper. We did, they repeated the same question paper and all of us cleared the exam. This was one of my pathetic and a shameful experience at school.


12th Exam:


Nothing much happened, the same tuitions, poorer scores in Mathematics. Syllabus was too much for my brain to hold on to. The same marks repeated in every semester. Math became the most unbearable. What with all the chapters that would not be of much use to all. Why? I ask myself. What is the big reason of studying chapters like Trigonometry, Permutation & combination, Matrix, Integration and Differentiation? After all irrespective of what you read, you most probably will end up in an A/c Cabin sitting in computer and programming for some freak in America. Time went with my hatred increasing towards Mathematics. I was better off in Chemistry compared to the other two. The tuition did me a great favor there.


Time went on. The final exams were near. I was on the special class for the weak students on Physics, Chemistry and Mathematics. Teachers had as hard a time with me as I had with them. Time went on, the special classes got over for Physics and Chemistry. But I was horrible in Mathematics. I was in special class at my teacher’s home even 2 days before the exam. Thanks for the CBSE to have let out the question paper pattern properly, my teacher did her best to me. I would ever be thankful to that. If not for her, I would have definitely failed in Mathematics. Main Exams came, I was sure I would clear all. I cleared all.


Mathematics was the lowest in my marks with 55. Tamil the highest, and English my second highest. I had developed a great respect towards English. I heard later that, the day the result arrived, my principal and my physics teacher was so worried that this year I might spoil their 100% pass result. But they were glad, I was glad, we all were glad. I PASSED.


This is my school life. When I look back now, I realize how much I have missed; I didn’t have much of Fun in school. How much of it was a mistake from my side, I am still Unsure, was it really laziness only. If so, why are people in different career lines? Why can’t all working out everything for themselves using their brains? So, my theory remains the same, my brain WAS NOT designed for that.


I guess, the people who studied with me, my friends who kept me a distance out of their circle will all understand me after reading my whole school life. The guys and girls, who would have thought of me as the useless nerd, would get to know me better. I can’t get back my school life, but at least I can get back my school mates and have them back as friends. So, here is Varun anew. Probably the new enhanced Varun, Version 2.0?